Training Academy




In mid May 2001 Snooky Poos escaped from the Training Academy to get away from his evil Uncle Richard.  Right from the start Uncle Richard had never shown Snooky any love at all.  Quite the contrary, he had been cruel, callous and uncaring from the first moment they met.  Snooky had done everything gonkingly possible to make Uncle Richard love him but to no avail.  At one stage it all got too much for him and he tried to end it all by hanging himself from the window blinds in the Academy.  Far from rushing to his rescue, evil Uncle Richard let Snooky suffer all day until a sickened onlooker pulled poor Snooky down.

Snooky fled to Dover to stay with his ex-Academy gonk friend Salacious and before long he was feeling much happier with life.  Salacious' kind Uncle Angus asked Snooky if he wanted to come to work with him for a day to see what life is like at the sharp end.  This is Snooky's guide to working in 'The Freight Lanes'.

Unfortunately Snooky is now registered blind after his ride in the washing machine relieved him of his eyes and shirt buttons!  Snooky stayed in Dover recuperating from his injuries for a number of months.  Although he is unfortunately still seriously visually impaired you will be please to hear that he has now recovered most of his previous mobility thanks to the unceasing work, care and attention of Salacious & Kind Uncle Angus.  Feeling he had gained all he could from his convalescence in Dover he recently packed his bags and returned to Southend where he is now keeping Karin company in her new flat.


Snooky relaxes at home with Salacious the evening before his days work experience.  From atop his magical glowing mushroom Salacious encourages Snooky to relax by teaching him the mystical art of Yoga.  Unfortunately Snooky's more 'generous' physique is just not built for such elastic contortions so he just assumes the standard 'Snooky Slouch' position.


There are lots of places to look in and around a lorry.  Hiding places are everywhere and it takes experience and a keen eye to find them.  Snooky peers in through the radiator grill to see if there is anything afoot behind.  Rummage gonks should be especially careful not to get stuck in such tight spaces.


Here Snooky illustrates bad health & safety awareness common with new recruits.  Although the underneath of lorries must be checked it can be hazardous & potentially fatal to lie too close to the wheels.  If the handbrake fails a moving lorry will make short and very flat work of a small gonk.


Tilt cords, ordinarily harmless trailer security devices are another source of potential harm to unwary rummagers.  Here Snooky has a terrifying flash of deja vu as he carelessly allows himself to slip behind the cord and nearly get strangled - again.


Rummaging lorries is very much a team effort which even spans across species.  Snooky makes the acquaintance of Ben, one of the waggy tailed four legged staff.  Ben was VERY pleased to meet Snooky but I think Snooky was rather overwhelmed by the encounter.


Used to playing with other full grown staff Ben's attentions are a little too zealous for the likes of a small office based gonk.  Snooky takes cover from the playful hound in the steady hands of an amused seasoned team member.


Here Snooky is introduced to the 'New Boy' initiation ceremony.  This time honoured traditional and highly secretive practice has been performed on new recruits to the Freight Lanes since records began and has never previously been filmed.  As an honorary team member for the day it was a privilege indeed for Snooky to participate in it.


Unfortunately not all the staff treated Snooky with the same respect as the others.  It is a sad fact that the nature of the job attracts a small hooligan element and poor Snooky was subjected to a frightening and humiliating act of torture in the notorious Bayside Toolshed.  Luckily he was rescued by a crack band of RPs (Rummage Police) before any real harm was done.  A close shave indeed.


A visit to the Freight Lanes wouldn't be complete without having a look round the wonderful new mobile X-ray scanner.  Big enough to scan a whole lorry in minutes it is not designed for small items like gonks.  However, as he wasn't paying attention when everyone else ran and hid in a lead lined bunker, Snooky was caught in the active beam.  He was assured the dizziness, nausea & strange glowing would pass in a few hours.


1900 hours and time to go home at last.  A tired, bruised, dirty & dizzy Snooky looks forward to a long hot ride in the washing machine on program 4 followed by an evening relaxing with Salacious telling him all about his exciting day.  Despite the worrying experience in the tool shed Snooky thoroughly enjoyed his day in the Lanes and found it far more interesting than his old job sitting on top of his evil Uncle Richard's computer monitor.



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